Supporting Siblings of a Child with a Chronic Illness

Caring for a child with a chronic illness can take up time and energy. When the diagnosis is new, and families are still working to find their rhythm and “new normal,” parents may find themselves feeling like they do not have enough time to spend with their other children. There may be warning signs that a child is struggling emotionally, and ways to support siblings while caring for your child with a chronic health issue.

How a sibling may feel

Putting yourself in a sibling’s shoes can help develop empathy for what they are going through. A child who has a chronically ill sibling may feel a wide variety of emotions, such as:

• Anger if they must pick up extra household chores due to their sibling being unable to help
• Confusion about what caused the illness
• Embarrassed or even angry when strangers stare at their sibling for something that is different about them, such as not having hair or being in a wheelchair
• Guilt that they are not the sick one
• Jealousy due to the parents’ focus on the sibling
• Worried about getting sick themselves

Signs a sibling may be struggling

Many children will not come to their parents and tell you they are struggling. Instead, it is important to look for the signs, which can include:

• Having a harder time doing well in school

• Mood changes, such as depression, anxiety, anger or becoming withdrawn
• Increase in rebellious or other attention-seeking behavior
• Loss of interest in friends and hobbies

You know your child better than anyone. If you notice a change in them, make a point to plan some one-on-one quality time together and work to get to the bottom of what they are feeling. If you are concerned about your child’s behavior, reach out to their doctor for help.

Helping everyone share and listen

When families take time to talk about their feelings and problems, they can handle tough times better, like when someone in the family is sick for a long time. To help your child open up, spend time together as a family. Show them how to talk about feelings by doing it yourself. When kids see grown-ups sharing, they learn it is okay to do the same.

Having meals together is a great way for the family to talk. One fun way to get people talking is by playing a game with cards that ask random questions. Listen closely to your child and let them know their thoughts and feelings matter.  Work together with your child to find solutions for the challenges they are facing and emotions they are feeling.

How to balance the needs of each child

It is natural for a sibling to feel a bit like they must take a back seat to the child with the chronic illness. Even though a child who is sick needs a lot of help every day, it is still really important to spend special time with your other children too. Planning a one-on-one activity or special outing with siblings is important to help them feel connected to their parents. Aim to find one day a week – or at least every couple of weeks – to focus on each sibling. This may help the sibling feel wanted and special.

Here are some activities that can be fun for all ages to help connect:

• Cook a meal or bake a treat
• Create an indoor obstacle course
• Draw, paint, sketch, or sculpt
• Go swimming
• Make up a silly dance routine to a fun song
• Plant a garden
• Play a board game or cards
• Take a bike ride
• Take a walk around the neighborhood or local park
• Visit a museum or art gallery
• Visit a park or playground
• Visit a zoo

Get siblings involved

Having a member of the family who has a chronic illness can be a ton of work. You can help your other kids feel important by letting them help in ways that are right for their age. This helps them feel like they are part of the team and that they matter. When brothers and sisters help take care of each other, it can bring the whole family closer together.

Getting help for a sibling

If you think a sibling is struggling, it is good to know that resources are available. This could be in your local community and online. Ask your child’s pediatrician for recommendations on mental health resources, such as a therapist. Research family support groups for dealing with chronic illness to see if sibling support is offered. Most importantly, keep lines of communication open in your family and work to keep siblings engaged in the family unit.

This educational resource provides general information and strategies intended to enhance coping and should not be interpreted as professional advice or a substitute for medical counseling.

Sources:

• https://www.pediatricswest.org/parent-resources/blog/chronic_illness/
• https://habyts.com/29-kids-activities-to-do-with-your-child-2/
• https://www.healthychildren.org/English/health-issues/conditions/chronic/Pages/Siblings-of-Children-with-Chronic-Ilnesses.aspx